|
2003-07-07 - 3:07 p.m. My journal is my place for figuring things out, for getting the swirling (sometimes irrational) things out of my head so that they don't consume me. It's my therapy - part of what helps me cope. But I have been told that, if I don't want people to be engaged, or to respond, it shouldn't be a public forum. And I'm torn between censoring it and not censoring it. So perhaps it should be private. Because, as the reasoning goes, I’m “putting it out there.. but then saying that you don’t want to answer for it.. that it's not the whole story. So why bother?” So I put the question out there. Why bother? Is anyone even interested anyway? I mean, I have this thought that people actually read this and are interested in my life. That a few people like to be able to peek into my brain on occasion. Am I wrong? Or do people read this and sit in judgement about what I should or shouldn’t do and who I should or shouldn’t give blowjobs to and why. Or do I have to have all the answers before I dare post an entry? And does it have to make sense to everyone? My own very strong feeling? I don’t have to have all the answers. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but me. Yes, I’m looking for understanding – but not necessarily from anyone external. I’m looking for understanding within myself. It’s a very selfish thing. I happen to have put it in a public forum. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it. I could password it, but what’s the point? So that people can feel closed out? Or so people have to petition for a password? I don’t need that much power and I don’t need an ego stroke. My journal stays. But understand. If I wanted criticism, I’d ask my parents’ opinions.
|